'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
