I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
