they need to just BURY HIM!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
