My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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