Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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