I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
