he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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