No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
