Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i dont even know how to be here
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
