We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
