Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
