Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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