i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
