You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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