I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
