dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
