He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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