i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
