Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
