i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
