I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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