dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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