I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
