Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
