He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
