Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
