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I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
