can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
