Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
