i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You're like the curious george of whores
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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