A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
