Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
