so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's just like the Real World with babies
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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