Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
