Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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