You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
