We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
