I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
