Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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