Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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