omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
