apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
