i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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