my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
