I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
