BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
