Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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