dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
