I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
