Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
