Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
