brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
