he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
