he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
